Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Bats don't dig pink

Woke up this morning with turkey flu or some godforsaken virus from east asia or something.  Open the front door to retrieve my mail (aka bills and trashy mags) and....

OMG THERE'S A BAT NEXT TO MY MAILBOX!! EEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK!!! How exactly does one move a bat without having it get all "flap flap flap bite" on me?

Strategy 1.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! I tried to swat it and it moved it's wing...eewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww....shiver shiver.....

Girlie friends advised me that swatting is animal cruelty...note to self...if i catch bat consider putting near their hair then see how PETA they are....

Strategy 2.  OMG! Ok, throwing a wet balled up kleenex at bat had no effect, i'm running out of reasonable solutions here..

Strategy 3. Just asked the flying rodent to please leave, it moved it's wing...can't type anymore...fainting.

Strategy 4.  Got brave girlie friend Lisa to come over...she videotaped it and put on utube...My bat is a star..hmmmm I am still grossed out...and it's still there...

Strategy 5.  K,...i need to rethink my approach.. Perhaps a friendship initiative?? Baking some cookies, will put in cute pink packaging and leave by said bat as peace token...stay tuned
Girlie friend has advised bats are blind, therefore, cute pink packaged cookies won't do the trick.  Damn blind bats...what the hell do i do now?  Palms are sweaty as I watch it's ear twitch....bllllecckkkyyyyy

Situation Resolved:  husband took 20 foot stick and knocked it gently off wall...it fell on porch still in coma state, i screamed (high voice scream much like B movie star would emit). Bat reached out a wing but didn't move much, Husband gently got bat on shovel and relocated to bushes. Valium is being administered as we speak...to me, not bat.



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